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Do you have a Crazymaker?

One of the things that we do when we are blocked creatively is that we get involved in intense codependent relationships. We seem to pick people who are absolutely expert at turning the tables on our creativity.

See if anyone in your present (or past) life fits these descriptions:

-Crazymakers spend your time and money
-Crazymakers break deals and destroy schedules
-Crazymakers expect special treatment
-Crazymakers discount your reality
-Crazymakers triangulate those they deal with (So, your crazymaker might say “Everyone really hates you at the office” so that you’re thinking “Who hates me at the office?” instead of “Who is this horrible person saying this to me?”)
-Crazymakers are expert blamers
-Crazymakers create drama, but seldom where it belongs
-Crazymakers hate schedules-- except their own. (Your deadline becomes an excuse for them to ask you for something time consuming.)
-Crazymakers hate order (You clear a place in the house so you can work, and your crazymaker comes along and messes it up before you can begin.)
-Crazymakers deny that they are Crazymakers

Do you have a crazymaker?

18 Comments on "Do you have a Crazymaker?"

  1. Jacqueline says:

    My ex would plan trips every 3 months so that I wasn’t able to focus on my creative projects or start a new endeavour. If I said “oh I can’t make it that week” he would lie and say it’s already booked and if I don’t go he will lose money. If I was at an appointment or meeting he’d text me with a made up drama like a car accident of something.

  2. Yup, think I might be married to one…

  3. I don’t currently associate with “crazy makers” – But I have experienced them and had relationships with some before. You forgot to mention they constantly tell you what ever you are trying will never work instead of lending a hand.

  4. CornetPlayer says:

    Boy, do I ever have a “crazymaker.” Perhaps even two. If you’re not careful in the music world, you run into these “living history” or “reenactor” types, and they will just flat drive you to your grave if you’re not careful.

  5. I DO have a Crazymaker! How do we get rid of them?

    • CornetPlayer says:

      Ana-Lia, you must convince yourself that the benefits of walking away from someone like this far outweigh the advantages of continuing the relationship. In my life, where the crazymakers are usually band leaders, I can measure that in terms of money made on paid gigs with them, or even freebie jobs that are so magically satisfactory they cannot have been missed. It took me three years of pondering this balance to just quit working with my worst one.

      What finally brought me to the realization it was bad was that a pattern had developed that’s like the pattern with an abusive spouse. This guy would mess me up badly in some public situation, then privately offer a profound apology. Just the way it happens with those sick men who beat their wives/girlfriends.

  6. I think that is called transference by the psychologists. I also noticed, through my journaling, that my mind will travel to other situations and look for someplace where there is some kind of hype, when I am not feeling steady moneywise with what I am doing artistically . especially when I have constant tearing down of what I am doing going on around me. I do know some people that should change their format of their art and what they are promoting and look at something else and sometimes I think I am one of them and the transference and confusion travels onto other things. I never stop believing in other’s abilities though, so I know I should treat myself as I would those whose strengths I can always see…Sometimes I can make this creativity, MY God, and then I am out of balance with enjoyment of having the opportunity to practice .

  7. You just described my family, one member in particular.

  8. Ah yes! Sounds like my family of origin.

  9. Molly Jea says:

    You described my ex perfectly and perhaps I know why I became blocked within the last few chaotic years with him. I left him 2 years ago and now lives three states away. I have tried everything from Morning Pages to diet changes. Perhaps being a single mom about to go through menopause, I don’t know, but I am so blocked. I live in a situation that would bore Napoleon Dynamite due to the financial reasons and seldom get to go on anything as pleasurable as an artist date or even to a movie by myself. Perhaps after I rid myself of the Crazymaker in my life I just haven’t filled the space with anything that gives me joy?

  10. Stephanie says:

    I think I might be the crazy maker…

  11. Katherine says:

    Divorced my crazy maker. But right before it all hit the fan, I had a wonderful publishing success – and he wasn’t interested enough to read it. I let that block me for a while – but no more! I’m writing!

  12. Patricia Dimsdale says:

    I need to go back over your two books that I have, Julia, so that I can renew my energy.
    A controversy with a friend is stressing me, where she is trying to dictate my spirituality, and I am blocked from moving forward. I try not to think about her controlling nature, so I need to somehow divert my mind from distractions. I will probably have to cut all connections with her. A person who cannot share your spirituality harms your creativity because these two are connected.
    Thanks for writing your books. I have never met someone like you who understands creativity.

  13. The problem is I realize I used to have a crazy maker and although I got rid of them and it was and ugly ending… It’s been two years and I am still not over it. I still wish this person would come around and I still want to believe they were not a crazy maker even though they still owe me a ton of money. I’ve read books on co-dependacy and have confided in many friends over it and still this person pops up into my dreams and I wonder are these dreams or nightmares? How can a person still have this type of effect on my life? Am I crazy, obsessed? They completely ignore me now and my mind will still think of them at least once a day. I know the crazy maker never truly cared and I came to this site to search for answers in my evening writing because they came up in my writing again. I also ask that if you are reading this and you’re not sure how to respond that you can at least send prayers to me because the fact that I have been ignored by the person who made me crazy for two years is just barbaric. How do you just forget someone?

    • Claire Louise says:

      I have a theory that certain losses we never truly ‘get over’. Like bereavement, these losses change us, become part of the story of how we came to be who and where we are. Firstly, I am no expert, and feel free to entirely disregard this, but it sounds as through perhaps this person still has a hold on you because, consciously or unconsciously, you don’t want to let them go. It might be that you’re still attached to the idea of this person, of what they could / should have been, or that you’re attached to them as a focal point for other anxieties. Perhaps really I am just talking to myself, all advice is autobiographical and all that. Either way, I sincerely hope that you continue on your journey of trying to come to terms with your loss, be kind to yourself, and remember there is no time limit on acceptance.

  14. JC,

    I AM the crazymaker in my own life.
    There is an episode of 30 rock where Liz Lemon becomes an actor and then she becomes almost sociopathic– insecure, disengaged, and paralyzed by her fear of success as she tries a new venue of her creativity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGqJwT7Z1Gc. As Liz Lemon segues from writer to actor, she falls apart.

    I wouldn’t say I am sociopathic or that I am at the point of crying tears out of my mouth. Still, I notice that the biggest block to my own creativity is myself– especially during the week before a play or opera I am in opens to the public.

    I find working with my affirmations is extremely helpful. Grounding. Fun even!
    Do you have any other words of wisdom as I learn to embrace my own quirks and redirect them into a more creative pathway.

  15. What if the crazymaker is your BOSS, who has driven wedges between her staff, and one needs their job?

  16. What if the crazymaker is your employer?

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