Hello, I am no expert but I get frustrated moments too, whilst doing this course, (second time around/week 5 at the moment) and truly find that frustration is just in my case barely repressed anger that can turn into “why bother” feelings. You could try doing the things you “dont really like” like going to Art Galleries? Sometimes the thing you are resisting is exactly what will help you break out of the frustration. If I had resistance about Art Galleries I would ask myself “why not?” as an artistic person. Maybe see if there are local art exhibitions by local people just starting out, as there is often diversity to be found in community group art that is harder to find in some municipal art galleries. How many have you been to? Who took you if you were a kid may be a clue, or if not a kid the attitude of those you went with? I am very struck by this. If you went alone, maybe it felt lonely, maybe you like to go with a friend or two to discuss it. Or maybe if you went alone you went to a gallery that had art in that you found dull. There are many many different types of galleries and exhibitions “out there” why not go to different ones and kick your inner critic “no NO!!! YOU dont like art galleries” – into touch? to me that sounds like your inner critic controlling your possible route to inspiraton. Only you know if this is the case, I am just another person trying to break through my own blocks here too. Remember you can say “hey I could do better than THAT” even if you dont like the work- then you could if you chose to, Go do it. There is no rule about how many types of art you can do, if you like lots of them find a way to try doing more of each to get a feel for which gives you the most satisfaction.
I find it personally wonderful that so many people I have never met are willing to offer me their heartfelt thoughts and find G.O.D in the fact that Julia did this at all a very BIG hint for me… I hear a lot of discounting of your own progress in playing guitar again, going for walks, and taking an interest in so many different media. You may find that a less mind taxing job if you have to do one ultimately is far less draining of your creative energy than worrying yourself sick and being less free in your mind as a result- perhaps? What do I know though… I hope you find some peace if mind soon, all the best, C

Wendy- you are far more gentle and subtle than I – thanks for that beautiful insight! :~) I will use this as my example of synchronicity – WEEKS ago my inner child asked to buy a kite and fly it, as an artists date… I have resisted this joy for “some weird reason” maybe I should kick my inner critic into touch… deary me … apologies to Jonathon too, I feel maybe my frustration “bled” into my reply to you- so sorry, I hope you got something from it anyway… go well …celestine.

Thanks, ladies, for taking the time to respond. You’ve all made some excellent points and have given me plenty to ponder.

What a difference a day can make, though, eh? Plenty of good stuff got dredged up in this morning’s pages.

First, I was able to identify why I don’t like art galleries. It’s because I’ve come to associate them with snobbery and elitism. I always get the sense that I’m not welcome there and that I’m not worthy of even looking at the art … (a sentiment hilariously summed up by the Spinal Tap folks [see here at 1:00-1:18]). The reason I brought up art galleries is because I feel like that’s what I *ought* to be doing with my artist dates even though I don’t really *want* to. Yes, going to an art gallery would be outside my comfort zone, but would it be fun? I’m not sure. It’s not my idea of playtime.

I’d just like to make a distinction, though, between art galleries and art museums. I have no problem with the latter. I *love* museums, art or otherwise. I’ve even worked in a few. In fact, I majored in history at college (and instead of writing a thesis I got to do a kick-ass education internship at a museum in my hometown; I still look back on that as the best job I’ve ever had). This is no doubt because my childhood was full of trips to museums and battlefields and other historic sites.

This leads me to my other issue of connectedness. My morning pages have also revealed that I’m not just feeling disconnected from God. I’m also feeling disconnected from my culture and heritage. To keep a long story short (it’s school holidays and the kids are getting cranky and I’ve already spent too long on this), I’m originally from Philadelphia, but I’ve been living down here at the bottom of the world in New Zealand for the past eight years. As you may know, the northeastern USA just oozes with history and culture. New Zealand, on the other hand, is a very young country. There’s very little (human) history here, especially in Auckland, where decades of shortsighted governance has led to much of the inner city’s heritage being ripped out and replaced with tower blocks full of shoeboxes for the all the Asian students to live in … I worked at Auckland War Memorial Museum, one of the last bastions of the city’s heritage, a few years back, and even it pales in comparison to what I grew up with.

The other thing is that I think that even if NZ *was* rich with history, it isn’t *my* history. The thing about Philadelphia and its surrounds is that there’s a personal connection for me with a lot of it. I can go to Independence Hall in the city and know that one of my ancestors signed the Declaration of Independence there. I can go to Gettysburg and know that my great-great-grandfather fought there. I can go to Jamestown and know that another of my ancestors helped settle that first colony.

Talk about a sense of connection. And the amount of emotion that’s come bubbling up upon realizing that is staggering. I guess I buried those feelings pretty deep through the years of trying to settle down in a new country and start a family and all that.

Does that mean I should uproot my family and move back to Philly? I dunno. It’s something to think about at least …

Just quickly, I also had a kind of freaky little dose of synchronicity while writing this. I was starting to get all emotional about my childhood memories and up pops Springsteen’s “Streets of Philadelphia” on my music player. Needless to say, I got a bit teary.

I think I’ll leave it there for now, but I’ll be back. I might even expand my thoughts into another blog post.

Thanks again!

Yes, I think maybe I *have* been experiencing more synchronicity than I realized, it’s just that I either haven’t been recognizing it as such or else I haven’t been accepting it because it’s not what I was expecting, which was more the sort of thing that Julia uses as examples in the book – like someone thinking of doing a film course and then getting an invitation to do just that … I haven’t experienced any “big” doses of synchronicity like that. Just little things, like that song … and also just on Friday I discovered that my three year-old BBQ had rusted into unusability and I was feeling rather down about that, but then my wife’s uncle messaged me on FB to say that he’d just bought a new one and that I could have his old one. I didn’t see that as being synchronicity at first, but now I’m thinking that it undoubtedly was!

Anyway, your “other point” is a very good one, too, Christine. I shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting to do the things I feel like I “ought” to be doing for my artist dates. I should just go with whatever feels like the most fun, even if it’s not necessarily boundary or comfort zone stretching.

It’s funny you should mention dinosaurs because I was a HUGE dino buff when I was a little boy. I even had dinosaur sheets (fuzzy flannel ones with Boynton dinosaurs on them; I eventually wore the bottom sheet out, but my mother found the top sheet a few years ago and resurrected it as pillow cases for my kids and me to use)! One of my favorite things ever was to go down to Center City to the Academy of Natural Sciences to see their collection of dinosaur bones. Auckland Museum has a small collection of dino bones, and my oldest daughter has actually requested that I take her during the holidays to see them. Anyway, I kinda “grew out” of dinosaurs at some point … but I must admit that when I took Julia’s advice and went out to a stationery shop to buy stickers and things for my initial artist date, one of the things I bought was a set of dinosaur stickers. I’ve already decorated several of my morning pages journals with them.

As for rollercoasters. I got into those late as a teenager and my inner ear quickly rebelled. I stopped going on them after I blacked out once. Auckland has got *one* theme park with rollercoasters, though. I’ve never been cos my wife says it’s not really worth it, but I suppose I could just go and check it out anyway …

I also had the idea, harking back to those train trips into Center City (we used to go to the Franklin Institute as well as the ANS), to take the train into the Auckland CBD and then walk up to the Auckland Art Gallery. I haven’t been there yet either and it’s more like an art museum than a snobby art gallery, so … I think I’ll wait a few weeks though till all the rugby fans depart. The downtown area’s a bit of a madhouse at the moment. Luckily the All Blacks are through to the final after beating Australia tonight, so there won’t be any riots (although they still have to beat France next weekend, but anyway … that’s neither here nor there).

I think what I need to do is come up with a list of things that I think would be fun to do for my artist dates. If anyone else has any suggestions, I’m all ears.

I’ve always loved looking at the stars, so early on in the piece, I thought I’d take myself over to Auckland’s Stardome Observatory/Planetarium, but then I discovered that during the day, it’s only open to school groups and such. But then I saw that they were offering to let dads get in free on Father’s Day. So while I didn’t get to go by myself for an artist date, I still got to go … and I got in free. And then, while I thought the kids’ show we’d booked in for was rather disappointing, they then surprised us with exactly the sort of “zooming through space” thing I’d really been wanting! It didn’t occur to me at the time, but maybe that’s yet another example of synchronicity.

I think that’s enough for now though. It’s getting late, so I should get to bed.

Thanks for all your help so far, folks!

Jonathan, I had a thought this afternoon after reading your post about dinosaurs. I know that children, in general, love dinosaurs and stories…and with you being a full-time dad and liking to play the guitar, I’m sure your girls would love to hear songs like “Puff the Magic Dragon” (even though that is a dragon versus a dinosaur)…and any fun whimsical songs that you make up about dinosaurs, etc. Personally, when my son was very young, he was my greatest inspiration in drawing, because no matter what I drew, he would quickly identify it and say, “wow Mommy, you can draw a cat!” He is my greatest fan, just like your girls will be with you. There is nothing more gratifying to your inner child artist than to feel unconditional love for you and your art…and something special that you can share with them.

Celestine, you have some wonderful ideas that come straight from the heart! I will share in the synchronicity of the kite with you. For some odd reason as I was replying to the forum yesterday, the image of the kite came to me…not knowing that it would trigger something in someone else. A coincidence…I think not. How nice that through the forums, we can share and unravel synchronicity moments with each other!

DebbieD, I so agree! Hindsight is sometimes a gift to show us truly how far we have come at times…especially when we are distracted by many other things that zap our time and energies to the point that we cannot see the forest for the trees. I hope things get better for you soon.

@Celestine: very perceptive on the dino front. I don’t want to keep just watching movies for my artist dates, but maybe I should re-watch Jurassic Park at some point. It’s been a while. I think the next time the kids and I end up in Philly (and I have no idea when that will be), I’ll have to take them to some of my old haunts, like the Academy of Natural Sciences and such.

As for outer space, I *love* outer space. I *really* wish I could be a space explorer but alas! I was born too soon. I have to make do with living the dream vicariously through Star Wars and the like. The planetarium was a pleasant surprise.

Perfectionism is my bugbear.

@Wendy: “Puff the Magic Dragon” is a favorite in our house!

I used to like to draw. I knew I wasn’t any good at it, but I didn’t care back then. I wasn’t that sophisticated. LOL. I suppose it could actually be quite therapeutic to sit down with my daughters and draw with them. They won’t care if my drawings aren’t high art, so I shouldn’t either. Right?

@Jane: It’s funny. I just read through the Week 8 stuff last night, and I discovered that it looks like I’m right where I’m supposed to be after all. It was all about acknowledging loss and getting it out and all that. I guess that’s what I was doing with that stuff about me feeling disconnected from my heritage. That’s certainly a loss. And I definitely don’t feel so emotional about it today.

Sorry to hear you’re having frustrations on the job front. I know exactly how you feel. Part of the reason I’ve embarked on this course is so I can avoid ever having to apply for a “real” job again. I’d much rather work for myself. My goal is to become a productive, solvent artist of some kind — but whether that’s as a writer, a musician, a graphic designer, or whatever, I have no idea yet.

And that’s really the biggest issue I have right now still. Julia repeatedly talks about making yourself “do the work”, but I still don’t know what work I should be doing. I started that blog, but I just don’t seem all that interested in continuing it. So I’ve been doing my morning pages, and I’ve been doing as many of the exercises and tasks as I can, but I haven’t really been doing “the work” in terms of just sitting down and being productive artistically. Should I be, or am I OK where I am? I guess I’m just nervous that I won’t be ready to be a productive artist by the time baby #3 comes in early March and the family will need some extra income. And I guess that goes back to what Debbie was saying about not having expectations …

Just a few other points:

re: guitar – I first learned in high school, but I never really did much with it. It was more of a hobby. I did do some open mic nights in college, but I never played in a proper band. I had pretty bad stage fright. I also focused more on learning other people’s songs, which I think interfered with my ability to write my own music. Now, though, I’ve forgotten most of the songs I used to play, which means they won’t be cluttering up my head now … so maybe I’ll have a better chance of writing my own songs. I just need to make sure the perfectionist doesn’t show up and expect them to be “radio ready” from the get-go.

As for Auckland … it certainly has its good points. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I hate it here. I think I had already gone through those feelings of loss and alienation and such before; I’d just gotten distracted with raising the family and such so I’d buried them in a dark corner of my soul or something.

Anyway, gotta go. Dinner’s just about ready.

Thanks again everyone!

ahhh, synchonicity…..for sure. You have to listen…..you have to go. Just do it, why all the thoughts. So artist dates should always be alone? I think that you are right. There are some free movies here too….I think maybe to do with Halloween coming but one is an old Groucho Marx to go with a gallery showing of “Depression era something”. And that’s what I should do……tommorrow!!! Mostly mine have been synchonicity happenings…..stopping at a trail head and finding for just a short walk I get to see foliage and water and utter beauty. I found a new one called “Potato Head” trail, didn’t take the trail but just barely got out of my car and walked over to an entire view of the Salt Lake Valley below and laughed my head off inside at the name….”Potato Head” trail……next time will have to take the whole trail to see the “Potato Head” mountain or blob or whatever it is if I can stop laughing out loud long enough. And then stopping at our local Art’s Center, just to do my morning pages……so I took a walk, there is a local sculptor who was going to do a whole sculpture walk outside. It never got that far but there was a path and a stream and some sculpture and “outside” art and a poem dedicated to his Dad that was all pretty much just what the Dr. ordered. I lost my own Dad last Dec.

I’m doing the abundance spending tracking this week and that is a funny one too. Pretty much already over budget for Oct. BUT finding all the stuff I need for pre winter home maintanance, saving there, and using up some old paint and stain on the porches and shed. It feels like art. My back porch. Soon to be a northern facing ice tundra for the winter but so pretty back there now. And the yard art elsewhere is just plain fun. I spent at a real decent yard sale and now have two decent light fixtures to get hung in my cozy home. Oh….AND the biggie. My guitar teacher didn’t charge me this week at all……..he simply couldn’t allow me to go on with the guitar that I have so we spent the time finding a new one which should be in the store by the end of the week. I tried one of his and it’s the difference between making music and staying with it or playing the old one and feeling disgusted and quitting the effort alltogether. I would have had to spent the same $$$ from savings next mos. anyway so now is the time. And no….playing guitar again wasn’t in my plan at all……the lesson sign was there……in front of a guy’s log cabin home who is a pro….acting, musician, etc. and I was just thinking of joining the choir but voila!! I was thinking more on the lines on doing watercolor painting again…..and yes I’ll get there in time. So…..nothing is free, and I still need some extra income too and THE job hasn’t arrived. Meantime…..I have alot of freelance ideas like you. I may HAVE to volunteer again for experiance on my resume and possibly a job that would fund some more education for a new role. I’m thinking of some kind of social work, mental health, non profit assoc. work with some arts thrown in. I also spent on essential oils…..to keep my distributor status alive…..and I have learned alot about them and uses, and will keep going with that…….but I so hate the multilevel marketing concept and won’t obviously do much there. I am a nurse with a master’s degree…..I was a pediatric nurse practitioner…..haven’t worked in like forever but still have my RN if needed.
OK……..swimming yet?